All bottled up

I miss Celeste.

Taking to a cell phone isn't the same as talking to a person face to face. I miss her so much. Why? Because, she's about the only person I can talk to about what I'm really feeling deep down inside of me.

ropa and I had a conversation awhile back about how she feels better talking about things in her journal. I admire her for doing that. I can't. Heck, there's few people I even bother to tell them how my day goes. I figured they would be bored listening to me talk after awhile.

I have so much going on inside my heart right now and I want so badly to talk about it. But, I get the impression from the people who I've tried talking to about it is that they don't understand, or that they're hearing the same old stuff coming out of my mouth. And, this is a subject so deep inside of me that I've only bothered attempting to talk to one or two people about it.

I stare at my AIM Buddy List. I stare at my address book, listed with phone numbers. Yet, I can't bring myself to call anyone or even bring up an IM. I'm afraid of rejection. I'm afraid of being told I'm being silly. It amazes me, because as much as I love to talk to people, I'm really a very private person. It's hard to get me to open up about things close to my heart - even to myself.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm about to explode.