Nov. 18th, 2011 12:22 am
The Unicorn and the Doctor
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savvyliterateTitle: The Unicorn and the Doctor
Author:savvyliterate
Fandom/Characters: Doctor Who, Eleven/River, Amy/Rory
Rating: T
Word Count: 1,028
Spoilers: Takes place at some point between "Let's Kill Hitler" and "The God Complex." Once again, this is blamed onareyoumarriedriver and penguinspy42. The intergalactic zoo is borrowed from Charina's story set in said zoo.
Summary: "So, are you a virgin then? Do we need to get River to deflower you?"
"So, when you regenerate, do you start over? You know, with everything?" Amy asked the Doctor one day.
"With everything?" The Doctor had his head in the console, fiddling with wires.
"I think what she's trying to ask, Doctor," Rory said, coughing a bit, "is if you um ... can see unicorns."
He peered at him and pushed his work goggles up. "Why wouldn't I see unicorns?"
Amy threw her hands in the air. "Surely you've done it before. At least once! Hello, your granddaughter's mentioned in the TARDIS files!"
Rory gaped at Amy. "He has a granddaughter?"
"When a Time Lord regenerates," the Doctor told Amy crisply, "there is a completely new body. New everything."
"Including new sex drive?"
He blinked once. Then twice. Then finally understood what Amy was really asking him. "That's really none of your business!"
Amy beamed. "So, are you a virgin then? Do we need to get River to deflower you?"
"Oh, Amy," Rory moaned as the Doctor turned about seven shades of red and sputtered for about a minute before jabbing a finger in her direction and throwing a lever. He spent the next five minutes dashing around the console as he navigated them toward a destination he refused to tell them. The TARDIS settled and he stalked toward the door.
"I'm a Time Lord, Amelia Pond! None of these silly little human superstitions for me! Now, out here is the largest intergalactic zoo in the universe, and we have landed just outside the unicorn pen." He pushed the door open and beckoned. "Amelia Pond, your unicorn."
Amy skipped to the door and stuck her head out. People milled about, mostly small children. They reached out and petted something that couldn't be seen, but was obvious that something was there that the children could see. It was like the thestrals from Harry Potter, she thought. She slipped out and over to the sign near the pen's entrance to double-check. The Doctor had indeed landed them where unicorns were.
"I don't see anything." Rory said, following her out.
"Well, I sincerely hope not," Amy replied, nudging his ribs. She called over her shoulder. "Well, Doctor? Tell us what the unicorns look like."
He stood in the doorway to the TARDIS, brow furrowed. "We clearly landed in the wrong place," he announced. "There's nothing here."
"Yes, there is!" Amy leaned out into the pen where a child's inquisitive fingers had just explored. She felt fur, flesh and a solid, warm mass of animal under her fingertips. "This is definitely an animal." She trailed her fingers up, found a mane, then a horn. Stretching on her toes, she found the horn's tip before the animal scurried away. "One-horned creature that we can't see. Definitely a unicorn."
"So, if the Doctor can't see the unicorn ..." Rory and Amy slowly turned to see the Doctor looking very much like a deer caught in headlights.
"Well, well, well," Amy purred, grin stretching from ear to ear. "The lady thinks thou doth protest too much, my Raggedy Man." She stalked back to him and pressed her finger into his chest, knocking him back into the TARDIS. "You're not a virgin. Which clearly means you're having sex. With River. I don't know if I should cheer or ask her how the hell she managed to get you still long enough to pull it off."
"I haven't had sex with River!" The Doctor squeaked.
"Oh? Then who've you had sex with? Hmm?" Amy backed the Doctor into the console. "Not with me. Not with Rory."
"Thank God," Rory muttered.
"Plus, your ears are red, your throat is bulging and you look like a cornered gazelle. You. Are. Lying." Amy was now nose to nose with him. "You and River shag like rabbits while Rory and I sleep, I bet."
The Doctor's mouth opened and closed several times, but nothing came out.
"You might as well confess to it, sweetie." River strode into the TARDIS wearing a close-cropped jacket, jodhpurs and boots, looking very much like she'd been in the jungle. A hunter's rifle rested over one shoulder, and a twill safari hat was perched on her curls. She gazed at the three, then nodded to Rory. "Have we done Demon's Run?"
Rory coughed. "Um ... Yes, we know you're our daughter."
"I see. How about Area 52?"
"What's that?"
"Good enough. Berlin?"
"Yes."
"River!" The Doctor tried to push Amy away. "Tell them we haven't had sex!"
She raised an eyebrow. "Really, my love? What do you call what I did when you came to visit me right after Demon's Run?"
There was any way to get redder, the Doctor managed it. He shoved Amy off him. Grabbing River by the arm, he jerked her several feet away from Amy and Rory before hissing, "That wasn't sex!"
River pinned him with the sort of look that sent most men cowering under a table. "Oh, yes, that was indeed sex."
"But, sex is ... you know ... when this," he gestured to his crotch, "goes in there!" he pointed at hers.
"That's one way about it. But in this case, it was a different there." River tapped her chin.
He pointed to her mouth. "You mean that ... That counts? I thought it didn't!"
She nodded, now smiling. "Yes, it does."
His face fell. "So, I can't see unicorns?"
She gave him an amused look. "I'm afraid not."
He peered over her shoulder at Amy and Rory, then straightened his bowtie and lapels. "Right. Well, enough of the intergalactic zoo. Where did you come from anyhow?"
"Delivery run. Saved a rare species of llama from going extinct. We'll be seeing them soon enough." River closed the door. "Where to, everyone?"
"I think some place romantic," Amy spoke up. "You know, Rory and I could use a date. So do you two."
"We do not need a date," the Doctor spoke up as River said at the same time, "Splendid idea, Mother. I'll set the coordinates."
They landed in the middle of a civil war on a planet filled with magnificent trees that doubled as buildings. They managed to keep a plague out of the water supply and stop the war and unite the planet, and as a reward, the grateful people treated them to a magnificent feast that involved lots of dancing and dancing.
The Doctor never claimed to see unicorns again after that night.
Author:
savvyliterateFandom/Characters: Doctor Who, Eleven/River, Amy/Rory
Rating: T
Word Count: 1,028
Spoilers: Takes place at some point between "Let's Kill Hitler" and "The God Complex." Once again, this is blamed on
areyoumarriedriver and penguinspy42. The intergalactic zoo is borrowed from Charina's story set in said zoo.Summary: "So, are you a virgin then? Do we need to get River to deflower you?"
"So, when you regenerate, do you start over? You know, with everything?" Amy asked the Doctor one day.
"With everything?" The Doctor had his head in the console, fiddling with wires.
"I think what she's trying to ask, Doctor," Rory said, coughing a bit, "is if you um ... can see unicorns."
He peered at him and pushed his work goggles up. "Why wouldn't I see unicorns?"
Amy threw her hands in the air. "Surely you've done it before. At least once! Hello, your granddaughter's mentioned in the TARDIS files!"
Rory gaped at Amy. "He has a granddaughter?"
"When a Time Lord regenerates," the Doctor told Amy crisply, "there is a completely new body. New everything."
"Including new sex drive?"
He blinked once. Then twice. Then finally understood what Amy was really asking him. "That's really none of your business!"
Amy beamed. "So, are you a virgin then? Do we need to get River to deflower you?"
"Oh, Amy," Rory moaned as the Doctor turned about seven shades of red and sputtered for about a minute before jabbing a finger in her direction and throwing a lever. He spent the next five minutes dashing around the console as he navigated them toward a destination he refused to tell them. The TARDIS settled and he stalked toward the door.
"I'm a Time Lord, Amelia Pond! None of these silly little human superstitions for me! Now, out here is the largest intergalactic zoo in the universe, and we have landed just outside the unicorn pen." He pushed the door open and beckoned. "Amelia Pond, your unicorn."
Amy skipped to the door and stuck her head out. People milled about, mostly small children. They reached out and petted something that couldn't be seen, but was obvious that something was there that the children could see. It was like the thestrals from Harry Potter, she thought. She slipped out and over to the sign near the pen's entrance to double-check. The Doctor had indeed landed them where unicorns were.
"I don't see anything." Rory said, following her out.
"Well, I sincerely hope not," Amy replied, nudging his ribs. She called over her shoulder. "Well, Doctor? Tell us what the unicorns look like."
He stood in the doorway to the TARDIS, brow furrowed. "We clearly landed in the wrong place," he announced. "There's nothing here."
"Yes, there is!" Amy leaned out into the pen where a child's inquisitive fingers had just explored. She felt fur, flesh and a solid, warm mass of animal under her fingertips. "This is definitely an animal." She trailed her fingers up, found a mane, then a horn. Stretching on her toes, she found the horn's tip before the animal scurried away. "One-horned creature that we can't see. Definitely a unicorn."
"So, if the Doctor can't see the unicorn ..." Rory and Amy slowly turned to see the Doctor looking very much like a deer caught in headlights.
"Well, well, well," Amy purred, grin stretching from ear to ear. "The lady thinks thou doth protest too much, my Raggedy Man." She stalked back to him and pressed her finger into his chest, knocking him back into the TARDIS. "You're not a virgin. Which clearly means you're having sex. With River. I don't know if I should cheer or ask her how the hell she managed to get you still long enough to pull it off."
"I haven't had sex with River!" The Doctor squeaked.
"Oh? Then who've you had sex with? Hmm?" Amy backed the Doctor into the console. "Not with me. Not with Rory."
"Thank God," Rory muttered.
"Plus, your ears are red, your throat is bulging and you look like a cornered gazelle. You. Are. Lying." Amy was now nose to nose with him. "You and River shag like rabbits while Rory and I sleep, I bet."
The Doctor's mouth opened and closed several times, but nothing came out.
"You might as well confess to it, sweetie." River strode into the TARDIS wearing a close-cropped jacket, jodhpurs and boots, looking very much like she'd been in the jungle. A hunter's rifle rested over one shoulder, and a twill safari hat was perched on her curls. She gazed at the three, then nodded to Rory. "Have we done Demon's Run?"
Rory coughed. "Um ... Yes, we know you're our daughter."
"I see. How about Area 52?"
"What's that?"
"Good enough. Berlin?"
"Yes."
"River!" The Doctor tried to push Amy away. "Tell them we haven't had sex!"
She raised an eyebrow. "Really, my love? What do you call what I did when you came to visit me right after Demon's Run?"
There was any way to get redder, the Doctor managed it. He shoved Amy off him. Grabbing River by the arm, he jerked her several feet away from Amy and Rory before hissing, "That wasn't sex!"
River pinned him with the sort of look that sent most men cowering under a table. "Oh, yes, that was indeed sex."
"But, sex is ... you know ... when this," he gestured to his crotch, "goes in there!" he pointed at hers.
"That's one way about it. But in this case, it was a different there." River tapped her chin.
He pointed to her mouth. "You mean that ... That counts? I thought it didn't!"
She nodded, now smiling. "Yes, it does."
His face fell. "So, I can't see unicorns?"
She gave him an amused look. "I'm afraid not."
He peered over her shoulder at Amy and Rory, then straightened his bowtie and lapels. "Right. Well, enough of the intergalactic zoo. Where did you come from anyhow?"
"Delivery run. Saved a rare species of llama from going extinct. We'll be seeing them soon enough." River closed the door. "Where to, everyone?"
"I think some place romantic," Amy spoke up. "You know, Rory and I could use a date. So do you two."
"We do not need a date," the Doctor spoke up as River said at the same time, "Splendid idea, Mother. I'll set the coordinates."
They landed in the middle of a civil war on a planet filled with magnificent trees that doubled as buildings. They managed to keep a plague out of the water supply and stop the war and unite the planet, and as a reward, the grateful people treated them to a magnificent feast that involved lots of dancing and dancing.
The Doctor never claimed to see unicorns again after that night.